Johan Malan, Mossel Bay, South Africa (June 2016)
Paul says in Philippians 3:13-14 that after our salvation we should forget those things which are behind, reach forward to the future and fulfil the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. In his new life there are at least ten different roles which a Christian husband should fulfil in his family, in his church and in wider society. He is confronted with the challenge to prove himself in every capacity by qualitatively fulfilling it on a higher level. These roles are the following:
The most important aspect of a believing man’s identity is his Christian status as a man of God. This is his first and primary form of identity, and it takes precedence above all his secondary identities. Being a Christian determines the quality and nature of all the other roles which he fulfils in society. For that reason he is, for example, a Christian American, a Christian businessman, a Christian teacher, a Christian politician, etc. His identity as family man, and also in the professional world, should be built upon a Christian foundation as that is the only basis for virtue, trustworthiness and personal integrity. Why is there such a big crisis of confidence in our country due to corruption, immorality, double standards and unrighteous behaviour? Because so many political leaders, business leaders, academic and other leaders, are not in the first place known as evangelical Christians. That is why they cannot be trusted. There is only one solution to this problem – the Lord Jesus must be our first love and the advancing of His kingdom our highest priority. The Bible says: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matt. 6:33).
Families are the basic social units of society. In God’s order of authority, the man is the head of his family: “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is Head of the church” (Eph. 5:23). Supremacy is vested in the Lord and He delegates authority to all men as heads of their families, and also for other leadership roles in society, e.g. elders in the church. He expects men to maintain order, to act in the best interest of their subjects, and to function together with them as a team in which no one is inferior to the other. Intensive consultation should be conducted before decisions are taken and rules are laid down, so that each one in the family or congregation will benefit from the leadership. When other members also support the decisions as morally just and spiritually sound, the chances are so much better that they will honour them. Persuasion is always better than compulsion.
Serious negative consequences may follow when men do not use the authority entrusted to them. On the one hand, this situation may lead to a family without authority in which the man is a weakling who does not give clear guidance and allows everyone the liberty to do as they please. On the other hand, the failure to practise divine authority may give rise to the abuse of power by men who do not fear God and refuse to live in accordance with His precepts. Such men act in terms of their depraved nature and often degenerate into dictators, tyrants and slave-drivers. Physical violence, selfishness, bad decisions and insulting language are typical of the wicked abuse of power. A true man of God will indeed maintain order and discipline, but in a loving way. He will always manifest the Lord’s forgivingness and longsuffering so as to promote healing and reconciliation where there was tension, disagreement, estrangement and unruly behaviour.
The man is also the religious head (or priest) of his family and must ensure the spiritual well-being of all the members. A priest basically has two functions: he must firstly intercede at God’s throne for the salvation and spiritual growth of the persons entrusted to him, and secondly proclaim the Word of God to them as a guideline for their lives. He must engage in intensive discussions by talking to God about souls in his prayers, while also talking to souls about God in his exposition of Scripture. This duty gradually becomes more important as we are living in a time in which sinful influences have an enormous impact on the older as well as the younger generation. The priest must counter these influences and keep on setting the right example of holiness and fruitfulness. If he fails in this important duty God will hold him responsible for the spiritual collapse of his family. If, however, he remains faithful in fulfilling his duties and there are still family members who reject his instruction, then their blood is on their own hands. Families are the building-blocks of society, and if they are spiritually sound they make an important contribution towards rendering a Christian character to the wider community. However, the opposite is also true – when Christian families start crumbling, society gradually loses its Christian nature, become humanistic, morally decadent and spiritually without direction. What is the state of our families? Many marriages end up in the divorce court, and in many others there are serious reasons for concern. The man is not solely responsible for the family’s problems of apostatising as every member has a free will, but in many cases he is to be blamed for the neglecting of his responsibilities due to poor leadership as the spiritual head of his family.
As economic head of the family it is the duty of the husband to take care of the material needs of all the members. He must therefore have a fixed income. Under difficult economic circumstances it is often imperative that the wife also assist in earning money. The description of a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:10-30 is quite significant. Apart from all her domestic duties she bought a piece of land to cultivate fruit trees, and furthermore she also made clothes and leather products to sell to traders. However, the husband is primarily responsible for generating an income, and the Lord expects of him to eat bread in the sweat of his face, and not to be guilty of laziness. The Bible says: “If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat” (2 Thess. 3:10). The successful man, therefore, should be economically enterprising and even endeavour to offer job opportunities to other persons. As a Christian, he should always be honest, just and transparent in his economic and financial affairs.
The husband, together with his wife, have the task of raising their children in the fear of the Lord, and also to equip them with the necessary knowledge to play a worthy role in society. The parents should never think that the Sunday school and secular school have completely relieved them from this duty, as these institutions are only extensions of the functions of the family. Show interest in your child’s academic progress, praise him or her for good reports, stimulate their interest in things which are important, and organise extra classes to assist poor performers in making up leeway. Also assist your child with the right choice of a career. Wrong choices on their future can cause them to lose direction in life and retard their progress. Also monitor everything which may negatively impact on your child’s development, e.g. wrong friends, gambling, drinking and the taking of drugs, as well as the large amount of immoral material which is available on the internet and on cell phone networks. It almost appears as if a huge flood of immorality, violence, and foul language has been unleashed upon the youth, and it is definitely no easy task to manage or avoid it. Nevertheless, something has to be done to prevent the young generation from destroying themselves. Their parents should be their first line of defence. In most cases men give far too little attention to the raising and educating of their children during their formative years. Are you always there for your kids?
The family head is not alone in his position but forms a unity together with his wife – not an absolute unity but a composite unity in which each one complements the other. Everyone is still an individual in his or her own right but together they form a single married couple. It is their marriage, their children, their house and their future which they work out. The marriage bond between them should not be enforced from outside but be built upon the foundation of their mutual love for one another. This love must arise from deep within their hearts. But always remember that love is not static – it is dynamic in nature and can thus grow stronger or weaker; therefore, it should continuously be cherished and strengthened. We must invigorate it, lest the flame of love starts dwindling away and eventually becomes extinct. Put new wood on the fire to ensure that it keeps burning strongly. The Lord Jesus said to His bride (the Christian church) in Ephesus: “I have this against you that you have left your first love” (Rev. 2:4). What an accusation of backsliding, lovelessness and unfaithfulness! Love for the Lord Jesus has died in their hearts and was replaced by other loves, e.g. love for the world and even love for their own church as a religious organisation and social club. He counselled them to urgently correct this problem by returning to their first love, so members can again become true disciples of Him.
What is the quality of your love for your wife? Do you give attention to it and strengthen it? The biblical command is clear: “Husbands, love your wives” (Eph. 5:25). The secret of a successful marriage is not only love towards God but also an intimate bond of love between husband and wife. It should be so strong that it can survive all crises. You must make her feel that she is really appreciated and that you enjoy her company. Your wife is your most important ally in life – not only in the running of the household and the raising of the children, but also for moral and spiritual support to you when you are confronted by big problems. I know of a Christian organisation that adopted the following guideline for their women’s support group: “The women on their knees keep the men on their feet.” Intercession for one another should be a daily activity, and love should never fade.
If you do not honour your wife and fail to truly stand together as soul mates in marriage, estrangement may follow. According to 1 Peter 3:7, a strained marriage relationship can hinder your prayers. The Lord expects of you to first address this problem and solve it before praying for other matters. First solve your own problems before turning to the problems of other people. It is the Lord’s will that every successful man should also have a successful marriage. If, however, his marriage does crumble he must ensure that he is not the guilty party. Always keep your side clean.
The Lord expects all men (and in fact all believers) to render practical proof in their lives that they live holy and are not slaves of sin, but persons with strong principles. Unfortunately, there are many men who, after their repentance, fail to make a complete surrender to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Consequently, they sometimes act in the Spirit and at other times in the flesh. This double-heartedness explains why many of them have an open as well as a hidden part of their lives. The secret, sinful side is covered, hidden and denied when it is exposed. However, it is of no use to hide skeletons in your wardrobe in the hope that they will never be discovered. Immediately discontinue these evil practices, approach the Lord in prayer and start with a process of emptying yourself from evil and having your heart cleansed. After that, you will be filled with the Holy Spirit who will guide you into all truth and also warn you against every secret sin. You will sleep peacefully without the nagging fear that somebody might open your wardrobe. Address these sins and doubtful practices of which some people probably do not know. Pray with David: “Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, and I shall be innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer” (Ps. 19:12-14). To be a man of God, you must walk in the light and refrain from doing anything which will undermine or even destroy your testimony.
A complete surrender towards sanctification is indispensable for a life of victory. You should endeavour to honour Christian principles of sincerity, faithfulness and wholehearted dedication in all your multiple roles in the family and society.
Every man should give due attention to his specific talents and gifts, and do everything possible to develop them. That will equip him to make a better contribution to the success of his family, his church and the wider community. Focus on your strengths through exercising them and also by enrolling for courses in which your knowledge can be broadened and your expertise raised to a higher level. Regardless of the nature of your talents – it does not matter whether it is sport, music, engineering, medicine, marketing, farming, management, mathematics, literature or whatever – develop them and also use them to the glory of the Lord. We are commanded to do so: “As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God” (1 Pet. 4:10). The Lord needs leaders and witnesses in every sphere of life. The more you achieve success, the more you might be able to offer job opportunities to other people, and the more you can support the cause of the Lord on earth. Don’t be a poor performer who is half-hearted and only intent on supplying in his own needs. Paul admonished Timothy: “Be an example [a role model] to the believers. … Do not neglect the gift that is in you” (1 Tim. 4:12, 14). The servant who covered his talent in a cloth and buried it, cannot expect the Lord to be satisfied with his life (cf. Luke 19:20-23). When you do make full use of your talents you should also be mindful of the fact that you are only a steward and should not merely endeavour to accumulate wealth for yourself, but should also provide for the expansion of the Lord’s kingdom and the uplifting of your community.
Successful leadership in their own families qualify men to act as leaders in their churches and in society – even also on the national level if the Lord calls you to do so. The Bible says: “If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” (1 Tim. 3:1-5; NIV). It is obvious that only a man of God who serves the Lord whole-heartedly, complies with this standard. The Lord has a tremendous purpose with our lives, and for that reason we should ensure that we emerge stronger and better equipped from every spiritual and secular training-school so as to be able to lead others and to always live exemplary lives. The Bible’s teaching-school for leadership is the family, and the Lord looks specifically at how you accomplish your duties in this capacity. Are you passing the test?
The elders in heaven will sing to the Lamb: “You were slain, and have redeemed us to God by Your blood out of every tribe and tongue and people and nation, and have made us kings and priests to our God; and we shall reign on the earth” (Rev. 5:9-10). We will serve as kings in Christ’s reign of peace, but only if we were cleansed by the blood of the Lamb, distinguished ourselves as men of God in every aspect of our family life, and also promoted the interests of our dependants in a worthy manner. Only then can we be entrusted with greater responsibilities. Leadership therefore starts in the family, then it expands to the congregation and wider society with its many service organisations, and ultimately we will rule with Christ in His kingdom.
In the final instance, every man of God should prove himself as a witness for Christ. The following command and promise by Jesus was addressed to all believers: “You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth” (Acts 1:8). Certain believers are executing this command fulltime as pastors or evangelists, but most of the others are doing it on a part-time basis. However, all of them must be involved with this work as it is the only way to ensure that the Christian faith is spread to all sectors of society and also carried over from one generation to the next.
It does not matter whether you proclaim the gospel verbally, or in a written or electronic format, as long as it is done. You may engage in discussions to explain the gospel of salvation, or to merely give your testimony of salvation. You can also do it in written form by distributing tracts and booklets in the languages of people with whom you come into contact. Furthermore, you can use any of the electronic media on the internet, e.g. Christians websites, FaceBook, Twitter and YouTube. Cell phone networks can also be used. Millions of people are reached with the gospel by these media.
Apart from all the social, economic and other duties which we men have in society, it is a big honour and privilege to also uplift your own people spiritually, while also reaching out to other peoples and participate in the evangelisation of the unsaved world. To be a witness for Christ has great value for eternity, and it also helps you not to be confined to a small world of self-centred interest. Involvement with and investments in the kingdom of the Lord will ensure that we do not lose everything that we have worked for so hard, but that we lay up an imperishable treasure in heaven. It will certainly be an immense embarrassment to appear before the Lord at the end of our lives with empty hands. What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world but suffers loss to his soul? We ought not to find ourselves in a position in which we have to look for excuses for our spiritual negligence, as the Lord calls all of us to be His witnesses and make the light of His kingdom to shine brightly.